Macaroni Politics: Gary Johnson declares that if he loses, the election is rigged. Everyone just dismisses him as being high

In his latest blunder, an obviously stoned Gary Johnson (Libertarian party candidate) has declared that if he loses the election, the election has been rigged against him. When asked who exactly was rigging the election against him, he said “Trump, Russians, William Shatner, and the little green men who live on top of Mount Everest and run the gun lobbies.”  

Macaroni Politics: History is made! First female criminal presidential nominee in history!

This just in! The Macaroni’s reporters in Philadelphia have officially reported that the history has been made! The democrats have officially nominated Hillary Clinton as their presidential nominee, breaking boundaries all across the board. When we asked convention goer Tara Jones her thoughts about this historic event, she said “Well, in the past, we’ve had a lot of male criminals run for president, like at least thirty. Now, we’re breaking boundaries for women! We’ve got to show them that we can be just as corrupt and power hungry in the political field.” The Macaroni can confirm that since everything from here on out involving Hillary is uncharted territory, we will keep you updated on every history-making moment in her coming campaign. Current articles in the planning include “History has been made! Hillary becomes first female presidential nominee to complete two speeches,” “History has been made! Hillary becomes first female presidential nominee to complete three speeches,” and “History has been made! Hillary becomes first female presidential nominee to breath 10,789 breaths since nomination.”

Protesters attempt to Legalize pots, do not realize that pots are already legal

Breaking News: It has come to our attention that there have been massive protests around New York’s capital to (as quoted from one protesters sign) “legalize pot.” Being the amazing news agency that we are, we decided to check this out, seeing as at least 38 of our interns say they have pots and/or pot in or around their houses, and we are obviously worried about any potentially illegal activities of our employees. Despite extensive investigation into New York’s legal system, our investigative intern assigned to the case, intern #348, was unable to find any laws clearly making “pot” illegal. Recent investigation into federal law led to similar results.