Some Fun Alternative Facts to Start Your Day

Recently, White House Press Secretary, Sean Spicer, reported that last week’s Presidential Inauguration had the largest audience present in the history of the United States. Period. Many have accused this of being a blatant lie, but heroic Kellyanne Conway offered some airtight defense. She argued Spicer merely had provided an “Alternative Fact,” a harmless act. Who has the right to call Sean Spicer a liar if he truly believed, with all of his heart, that the American people should be told this Alt-truth? No one.

Here are some fun Alternative Facts to start your day. Continue reading “Some Fun Alternative Facts to Start Your Day”

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Some Fun Alternative Facts to Start Your Day

Math Addict Pushes His Product in Greenville

Breaking News: Students in danger! While many parents have been confident that their children study in a school district free from destructive influences, this is not the case. We’re here to warn you: YOUR CHILDREN ARE IN DANGER!

Continue reading “Math Addict Pushes His Product in Greenville”

Math Addict Pushes His Product in Greenville

Lead Found In School Water, Doesn’t Beat Shit

Shocking nobody, Greenville School District has recently revealed that water in the high school is tainted with lead. Some people were just relieved that it wasn’t another round of sewage, as was common this spring. The taste still hasn’t fully rinsed out of the pipes from when the town construction workers, in perhaps a biblical tribute in spirit of Easter, turned water not to wine, but to human waste.

Continue reading “Lead Found In School Water, Doesn’t Beat Shit”

Lead Found In School Water, Doesn’t Beat Shit

The Cross-International Flight

As publicized here a few days ago, the Macaroni Report’s first international, trans-continental triathlon (more like stalk-a-thon, let’s be real) is underway. Undoubtedly, the Broom Closet Sasquatch is behind this deluded scheme, as it reeks of him almost as much as the drainage ditch out behind the Macaroni offices.

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The Cross-International Flight

Operation BigMac 3.0

The Maroon Report has finally been published, you know what that means? Operation BigMac is back! That’s right people, we are ready for a full on Maroon-Report-parody-a-thon, so get ready for literally like every Maroon Report article to get parodied. Don’t you love it what happens.

This message is Kitchenette Dictator approved.

-Kitchenette Dictator

Operation BigMac 3.0

Plague of Nothingness overcomes Greenville

This week there is literally nothing. You’d think that it just being thanksgiving, there’d be something. You’d think that Donald Trump being our president, there’d be something. Anything. But alas, the well of ideas that has barely kept the Macaroni Report semi-alive for the last few pitiful months has finally dried up. There’s nothing left. Unless something happens very soon, it seems our ship has sunk. About the only thing that could hope to save us now is the publishing  of a certain school official newspaper for us to vandalize and parody (hmm I wonder what institution we’re talking about there), but let’s face it, that’s not gonna happen. Then again, most of the news also said the orange man wouldn’t be our president so who even knows at this point. So what am I saying basically? Here are my points:

  1. The world is boring.
  2. The Maroon Report is slow.

That’s about it.

So basically, A.) if you are a person reading this, make something interesting happen. Please. We’re dying over here. B.) If you are a maroon report staffer reading this (there is no overlap between the two [ROAST]), please, publish your newspaper. We’re waiting.

So, is there some value to this article? Yeah actually there kinda is. When we’re bored, we do crazy shit. So look at this.

Continue reading “Plague of Nothingness overcomes Greenville”

Plague of Nothingness overcomes Greenville