Macaroni Allumni recieve degrees in sarcasm and Macaroni-cooking

Just this weekend, the students of Greenville’s class of 2016 walked across the Greenville stage to collect their diplomas, at last conquering the 13 year terror that is the Greenville Central School District. It is said that the four veterans of the Macaroni Report that walked across that stage were given special charms to wear during the ceremony that proclaimed their macaroni allegiance, similar to the NHS tassels. This is a lie, because the rest of the Macaroni staff was much too lazy to acquire said special charms. We would like to congratulate these four alumni, Liam Connors (The Head Chef), Emily Fagan (The Furnace Dragon), Gabriel Patterson (Resident Archivist 4242), and Sean McAneny (Political Correspondent Richard Nixon). They are each now going off into the real world to receive real degrees and work towards a real future, laughing villainous-ly at the poor students who must next year endure the terror that is senior seminar. Each will be pursuing an interesting future.

Liam Connors – Rather than conform to society and go to a regular university, Liam has decided that universities are overrated and will found his own, the Macaroni University, at which he will major in the only available major, Macaroni-cooking. He hopes to spend his life doing TV adds for Kraft Mac n’ Cheese, or perhaps sitting in a corner, hiding from the sunlight under a blanket, while trolling the internet with dank memes.

Emily Fagan – Emily has decided that the population of Trump supporters in America is too damn high, and that hicks are evil, and has thus flown the coop off to the magic land of Canadia. She will be double-majoring in Canadian Studies (known in America as Moose Biology) and Sarcasm. There is also rumors that she will be minoring in Height Research.

Gabrielle Patterson – Gabe, or Gabrielle, as he prefers to be known, has decided to go to college and double-major in “Librarian-ing”, which he maintains is a real thing, and Scottish War Reenactments. Gabrielle already has plans to annex the collegiate chess club, and install, “Wear your kilt to school day!” at his college. He may or may not also be planning to lay siege to Greece with an army of elephants.

Sean McAneny – After barely surviving two years of Ms. Palmer’s patented IB Suicide Trip™, Sean has seemingly lost all semblance in sanity. He will be dual-majoring in Running and Running, while he will also minor in Running. It is very important to him, as he must now go on the run to stay ahead of Mr. Siebrecht, who is desperate to hunt him down after Sean did not list him as one of his four most influential teachers in his salutatorian speech.

There you have it, the Macaroni class of 2016. All other rumored members of this class have already been euthanized for failing to comply to Macaroni regulations. Speaking as your new still-unannounced-co-Head-Chef-thing, if you fail to visit us and devote the rest of your life to the Macaroni, I will hunt you down, and I know where three of you live. I’d never be able to catch the fourth anyway, cause he’s so damn fast.

Congratulations for not dying. Love, the other less important Macaroni staff members.

Eat Responsibly.

-Kitchenette “I’m kind of your boss now” Intern

Macaroni Allumni recieve degrees in sarcasm and Macaroni-cooking

Games in Review: Cat vs. Aliens

Cat vs Aliens

Welcome to another session of Games n Review. This week, we have a wonderful game known as Cat vs. Aliens. Are you half as obsessed with cats as the majority of the Macaroni crew is? Then this is the article for you!

Continue reading “Games in Review: Cat vs. Aliens”

Games in Review: Cat vs. Aliens

ANSAR 6/19/2016

Badass Headline

Weird man


“Going to admit, when I first read this, I thought it said pen instead of son. Would have made it even more badass.”





“So much for Only in Russia. ‘Murrica for the win*.”




“Oh my god this spaghetti is amazing**”



*The rest of this sentence was removed for excessive profanity

**This man shall now be punished for the crime of preferring spaghetti to macaroni


ANSAR 6/19/2016

Macaroni Critique: The IB Math Paper

Hey, Macaroni readers! I’ve just recently recovered from being eaten in the annual Macaroni hunger games, and I’m here to critique something very important that really needs critiquing. If you’ve taken IB Math Year 1, you’ve heard of it. It’s called the IB Math Paper. I’m sure we’ll all love it! Let’s get down to business.

Continue reading “Macaroni Critique: The IB Math Paper”

Macaroni Critique: The IB Math Paper

The First Official Macaroni Report Hunger Games

With the summer just beginning, we here at the Macaroni offices wanted to commemorate this imminent seasonal shift with something grand. Sasquatch, as usual, took this opportunity to ramble on about the beauty of the solstice, and how with the harvest brings with it its own mystical fruitfulness…and luckily the boiler room interns managed to sedate him with some on-hand Sudafed before he could go all Mufasa and begin crooning on about the circle of life, for the fourth time in a week. Anyway, it was decided by nearly unanimous decision (as the Mailroom VP was reluctant to do something unpertaining to the all important cause that is mail) that the entire company would have a Hunger Game-style showdown.

So, without further ado, welcome to the first Macaroni Report Hunger Games. May the odds be super-legit. Continue reading “The First Official Macaroni Report Hunger Games”

The First Official Macaroni Report Hunger Games



So it’s a Thursday evening, and I’m taking a break from studying, and decided this was the perfect time to write an intro.

So, as the award winning pop singer might say..


I’m just a local stray cat (i’m not kitten around, hahahahahahahaokay) who decided to wander into the high school one day in September. Even though I was never in there before, I grew familiar with the building’s layout pretty quickly. (I can’t remember the room numbers for my life though. Oh well!) I particularly liked the library and cafeteria; the library especially due to those comfy chairs, which I gladly took many naps in, and the cafeteria since there was always food in there. Not going to lie, those cookies that are sold in there are highly addictive, so if you ever caught sight of a cat in there, you’ll probably see it with a cookie.

As for how I found out about the newspaper, I heard word about the newspaper a few months ago and began to read the posts since then. Then a couple of weeks ago, two of the writers said that I should join; and I gladly did!

So as for genres of writing and what-not, I primarily tend to go towards either storytelling, real news, or silly/fun topics. I also might be able to draw, so I miiiight come out with little comic strips!

I look forward to writing with you, and I’ll talk to you all soon! ^0^

-The local stay cat