This just in! The Macaroni’s reporters in Philadelphia have officially reported that the history has been made! The democrats have officially nominated Hillary Clinton as their presidential nominee, breaking boundaries all across the board. When we asked convention goer Tara Jones her thoughts about this historic event, she said “Well, in the past, we’ve had a lot of male criminals run for president, like at least thirty. Now, we’re breaking boundaries for women! We’ve got to show them that we can be just as corrupt and power hungry in the political field.” The Macaroni can confirm that since everything from here on out involving Hillary is uncharted territory, we will keep you updated on every history-making moment in her coming campaign. Current articles in the planning include “History has been made! Hillary becomes first female presidential nominee to complete two speeches,” “History has been made! Hillary becomes first female presidential nominee to complete three speeches,” and “History has been made! Hillary becomes first female presidential nominee to breath 10,789 breaths since nomination.”
At last week’s Republican National Convention, Ted Cruz, best known for his work as a serial killer in the 1960-70’s as the Zodiac Killer, did something highly unconventional. During his big speech on the floor of the convention Wednesday night, live on national television, when the time came for him to endorse Trump he instead did something more remarkable and slightly less grotesque. Continue reading “Ted Cruz Peels Off Reptilian Exoskeleton To Reveal…A Remorseful Human Being?”
As the latest news rolls out of Cleveland Ohio, various RNC officials have come forward to speak on the future of the Trump campaign and the Republican party. RNC official Jim Gilmore was the first to come and speak on the subject. “Well,” said the former presidential candidate who, when he dropped out the race, was given the choice between jumping on the Trump bandwagon or being excommunicated from the party, “after three-months of tough planning, we succeeded in finally giving Trump the flashy-light-show-stage-entrance that he deserves. But we really didn’t have a direction after that. We figured that eventually Trump saying racist things and claiming to be the world’s smartest person just wouldn’t be good enough anymore, so we really dug in deep to create a solid campaign strategy.”
Well, here you have it. This is what the macaroni report has come to.
Hey Macaroni readers! If you are reading this, you have obviously decided that the perils of entering into the outside world cannot compare to reading epic macaroni articles! However, that is really only referring to the two of you actually reading this. We’re literally out of ideas here at the macaroni, so it was either writing this or the Macaroni Critique of Tuesday. Unsurprisingly we went with this, but don’t be surprised if you see a critique of Tuesday in the coming weeks.
In this article, we will be looking at different strategies that various Macaroni writers do to get their articles out to the public. Enjoy!
Publications all over the world, such as the Daily Mail (if you like lies and a distinct lack of mail) and The Guardian (for all the unpatriotic isolationist racists) have reported on Putin’s public Independence Day message to President Obama, which stressed his desire to repair the relations between Russia and the United States. Ever since the whole Crimea annexation two years ago, Obama has still not been returning Putin’s calls, in a gesture Washington insiders have been calling the Cold Shoulder War. In Putin’s statement, he tried to remind Barack of the good times, back when the two countries could get together, crack open a couple cold ones, and work out the “most difficult international problems to the benefit of both nations and all of humankind.” It wasn’t all business– they used to be able to talk about anything, from Michelle`s arms to Vlad`s childhood rat hunting adventures, and especially their shared love of dogs. Continue reading “Putin`s Independence Day Video To Obama Leaked”